Ninjas VS Homunculi!: A NarutoFMA Crossover
by NeverCutsTwice
Summary: The ninjas of the Naruto universe and the Homunculi from Fullmetal Alchemist squareoff in a somewhat strange clash! But, it seems they're more interested in goofing off than fighting. How did they cross paths, anyway? Wow, my summaries suck.
1. Meeting The Ninjas

Chapter 1: Meeting the Ninjas

It was another normal day in the village of Konoha. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, and potatoes were falling from the sky, pelting everyone in sight.

"Since when did potatoes start falling from the sky!" Naruto yelled.

"Yelling about it isn't going to solve the problem, idiot!" Sakura yelled back.

The two continued to yell at each other, not knowing what to do about that potato problem. Suddenly, the potatoes stopped falling, and were suspended in midair. A young girl, about 13 years old, appeared behind Naruto and Sakura. She was wearing a long, black trench coat with a blue shirt underneath it, baggy black pants, and large black boots. She had long, brown hair and dark green eyes.

"Reiko, don't do that! You know that time freezing technique you have always freaks me out!" Naruto yelled.

"Don't be such a wimp," the girl replied. "At least you're not getting attacked by potatoes now."

Naruto turned away from Reiko and sulked.

"So, what are we going to do about those?" Sakura asked, pointing to the potatoes.

"I haven't got the slightest idea," Reiko replied.

All of the potatoes that were suspended in air disappear when no one is looking. A giant cat then flew through the air, yet no one seemed to care.

"What are you guys up to anyway?" Reiko asked a few minutes later.

"We were just going off to train with Sasuke and Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said.

"That sounds... Fun. I was going to walk over to the Hidden Sand Village."

"You're going to the Sand Village on your own? It's a three day walk, you know," Sakura replied.

"Don't worry about me," said Reiko. "It is my native village, after all. I'll be fine."

"Alright, if you insist. We'll see you later," said Sakura. Sakura and Naruto then walked away, and Reiko went in the opposite direction. She ran into Rock Lee not too long after.

"Hello Reiko-san, it's so nice to see you today!" Rock Lee said excitedly.

"Hello to you too, Lee," replied Reiko. "You seem awfully happy today."

"I am very happy!" said Rock Lee. "You see, I was training with Gai-sensei not too long ago, and all of a sudden, a bunch of potatoes fell from the sky! It was wonderful!

"I had no idea you liked potatoes so much."

"Of course I do! I gathered up as much as I could find, and vowed to eat 100 for dinner. And if I couldn't do that, I'd run around the village 500 times! And if I couldn't do that, I'd do 250 push-ups! And if I couldn't do that, I'd-"

"OK, OK, I get the idea," Reiko interrupted. "Sorry to rush the conversation like this, but I need to get going."

"Oh, I'm sorry I had to keep you here, Reiko-san. See you!"

Rock Lee ran in the same direction that Naruto and Sakura previously were heading. Reiko continued her trek. After she walked for about half an hour, she decided to take a short break.

"Man, walking alone back to the Sand Village is more tiring than I thought it would be. Maybe I should've asked Team 7 to come with me after they were done training... Hey, what's that?"

Reiko looked ahead of her and saw a large, shining ball of light. Curious, she decided to walk towards it. Once she got close enough, the light engulfed her, and she couldn't see anything ahead of her but light. She suddenly felt jerked along, as if someone was pulling her ahead. Frightened, Reiko started fighting back, pulling herself the opposite way from the light. After several minutes of struggling in vain, a strange feeling of sleep came over her. She gave in, and fell in a deep sleep.

This is my first story submitted to this site. I usually write in script format, so I might be a little rusty in this format, but it'll get better! Hopefully! Review please!


	2. Meeting The Homunculi

A/N: There are just a few changes in this chapter... This one's a bit more serious, and it's going to be from a different character's POV in every chapter now, since it's easier to write. Enjoy.

"How unpleasant," I thought to myself.

Dante's mansion always made me feel sick deep inside whenever I was in it. Today was worse, since THEY were here. Why do I feel so unpleasant around them, anyway? We are all Homunculi, after all... Oh yeah, I remember now. They keep me away from my true motives. Especially that stringy-haired bastard Envy. He was on the other side of the huge, sun-filled ballroom. His grin looked even more devious than normal in the sunlight. What the hell was he grinning about? He probably enjoyed watching me writhe around, helplessly dangling to the wall.

I didn't mention why I was hanging from a wall now, did I? I suppose I should. To make a long story short, the other Homunculi decided it would be nice if we could have a "family reunion," if you can really call us a family. They knew I wouldn't cooperate, so the moment I came through the door, Lust pinned me to the wall with her long, razor-sharp fingers. I can honestly say that I might have actually enjoyed it though, had it not been so painful. She's a pretty fine doll, that Lust. Hence the name, I guess. It still surprises me that I didn't just block her attack with my hard skin. I put the name "Ultimate Shield" to shame that day.

I continued to look around the room. The others seemed to be waiting for something to happen. Maybe Dante was running late? I can't imagine what that old hag would be doing, though. Probably just sitting around rotting. She didn't look very old anymore though. Heard she transferred her soul into another body. Her student, this time. Still doesn't matter how many times she transmutes herself, she'll just decompose eventually. I let out a sigh and continued to stare across the room.

I saw that Gluttony was still hanging around Lust. How she can stand having that fatass following her everywhere is beyond me. His large, round body, covered by a skin-tight jumpsuit, small, white eyes, bald head... His appearance as a whole made me sick. Like some grotesque spoiled child who needs to go on a serious diet. Had it existed at the point in time, I would've suggested the Atkins diet. Works like a charm.

The other Homunculi didn't look much better. Take Envy, for instance. He wears a mini-skirt. He's refers to his current form as "adorable." Creepy, much? Standing not too far from him was Sloth. She wasn't as hard on the eyes, but still not as much eye-candy as Lust. Her long, black dress made her figure stand out; Amazing for someone who's actually made of liquid. Standing beside her was Wrath. He was a mess. Messy, black hair, clothes nearly identical to Envy, big, purple eyes that seemed to see into your soul, and a shriek that could wake the dead, constantly used when he couldn't be around Sloth, his self-proclaimed mother. I hate kids. But, he's the only one of us who can use alchemy. Perhaps if I get on his good side, he can show me how to get my soul into one of those fancy suits of armor. That would be swell.

Then there was Lust, most definitely the most pleasing to the eye. Her tight dark green dress. Her curly, purple-black hair. Her deep, purple eyes. (Well, almost, if not all of us, have purple eyes, but I'm trying to compliment her, so hush.) Not to mention her huge rack. She was gorgeous. I didn't really see her in a flattering way at the moment, however. I doubt you would either, if you're chest was impaled to a wall with needle-like fingers. And besides, she was one of the ones hindering my plans the most. Pretty or not, she's the enemy.

Standing the farthest away from the group was Pride. At first glance, there would be no way to tell that he was a fellow Homunculus. Hell, even after about 20 glances, you wouldn't see it. He looks the most like a human out of the seven of us. The only way you could tell he was one of us was his Mark of Ouroborus. Not that you could see it, since he hid it beneath the eye patch over his left eye. He also happens to be the Fuhrer of the state. How lucky for him. He gets to have supreme power over the military and other such things. Supreme power... How nice that would be.

About half an hour passed since we were all assembled. The others were clearly getting impatient, and I was starting to get sick of being restrained.

"Where the hell is that damned old woman!" Envy yelled.

"Quiet down," replied Lust, "Yelling like that won't make her come faster."

"Maybe not, but it makes me feel less likely to punch someone in the face."

"Go ahead," Wrath taunted. "It's not like anyone's stopping you."

"Hmm... You're right."

Envy glanced over at me, his grin growing wider, to a near inhuman level. It only made sense. He weren't human, after all.

"We'll see who's grinning after your limbs are broken," I quickly remarked to him.

I guess he finally realized who he was dealing with, since he seemed to settle down after that. Even if I was pinned to the wall, there was no way he could hit me without hurting something. They don't call me Ultimate Shield for nothing.

Moments later, a strange, bright light filled the room. The sight of it must have startled Lust a bit, since she retracted her fingers to a normal length, letting me down. I felt relieved from being let down, but now my head was pounding at the sight of the light. I put on my small, round sunglasses, but even they weren't enough to block it out.

"Just what the hell is going on!" Envy screamed.

"Perhaps it's some sort of alchemy that the master is using on us," replied Sloth nonchalantly. And by the master, she meant the old hag Dante. But I've been around her enough to know that whatever it was, it wasn't alchemy. With every passing moment, the light seemed to grow stronger, brighter, and almost painful, yet soothing, all at the same time. It was unlike anything I've ever experienced. By the look on their bewildered faces, they felt the same way.

"Lust, what's going on? I'm frightened," Gluttony said, as he turned to her.

She didn't reply. She looked very drowsy, as if someone had cast a spell over her. I looked around and noticed that the others looked the same way. After that, I noticed that my body became weaker. Everything started to blur. It was horrid, yet peaceful. There was no way I could fight it. I found myself falling into a strange, deep slumber.

A/N: I love how Greed is so desperately perverted in this story. XD Reviews and constructive (notice how I say CONSTRUCTIVE, not flames) criticism is welcome.


	3. Reiko VS Envy

A/N: This update was pretty fast, wasn't it? Probably because I'm starting to have more fun writing it now. MUCH more fun.

"Where am I?" I said, drowsily.

The last thing I remembered before I woke up was walking over to the Hidden Sand Village. I must've fell asleep on the way. Or maybe one of those sky potatoes hit me in the head. Whatever it was, it knocked me out, hard. When I opened my eyes, I was in a huge glass dome, almost like a stadium, but without any rows of seats. There was only a grey floor, and some trees, which seemed oddly out of place, since there was no other vegetation or wildlife around.

I rubbed my eyes and got up. (I was laying on the ground at the time.) I looked at one of the trees and saw what looked like a person sitting on one of the branches. He was very strange looking though... His hair was long, stringy, and green. He appeared as if he was wearing a miniskirt, with a small shirt covering his chest. How fashionable.

I cautiously approached the tree. He looked irritated, glaring at me like he wanted to start a fight. Once I got closer, he spoke to me.

"Who the hell are you, little girl?" He said, in an agitated voice. Guess he WAS in a bad mood.

"Hey, don't get your panties in a bunch, SIR," I replied, much to his annoyance.

"That's no way to speak to your elders."

"Well, it's kinda hard to take a guy in a skirt seriously. Just who are you, anyway?"

"You still haven't told me who you were."

"Fine, I'll introduce myself first. I'm Reiko. You?"

"You can call me Envy. Now, I'd like to know why I'm here..."

"You don't know either? I thought you would, because I don't know where we are, either..."

"Do you really think I'm that stupid?" He uttered, surprising me.

"What are you talking about?"

"You brought me here, didn't you? Why!"

"What the hell are you-"

My words were cut off when he suddenly jumped off the tree and nearly kicked me in the face. I barely dodged his attack.

"I already told you, I don't know where we are. Why do you think I brought you here?"

"Shut up, human."

His last remark left me very confused. Wasn't he human, too? I didn't have time to think about it, since he was sending out a flurry of kicks at me, each of which nearly hit me. He seemed to use Capoeira to fight, or a fighting style close to it. I didn't want to get any unnecessary injuries, so I continued to dodge his attacks, and also blocked them on occasion.

"What, don't know how to fight?" He yelled, after some time.

"No, I just don't think you;d be a worthy opponent, getting me with my guard down and all."

This remark didn't amuse him, apparently, since I received a quick kick to the ribs afterwards. I fell over in pain. Just as he was about to go in for the kill, something hit him from behind. It knocked him out instantly. I looked up to try to see what did it, and saw an unexpected familiar face.

Alright, cliffhanger! I love writing cliffhanger endings, but I hate reading 'em. What's up with that?


	4. Kisame and Lust Enter The Fray

"Well," I thought to myself, "I guess Envy wasn't as reliable as I thought."

I was watching Envy and that girl fight from afar. I wasn't in the mood to get into any messy business at the moment. But, now that I look back on it, perhaps I should've helped. Gluttony, as always, was complaining about being hungry. Of all the girls he could follow around, it had to be me. Oh well...

Getting back on topic, I didn't expect Envy of all people (if you can call him a person) to be defeated so easily. The opponent was strong indeed. He even had looks that could kill. And I don't mean that in a good way. The girl didn't seem too thrilled to see him. If I were her, I'm not sure if I would've liked to be greeted by some man-shark either. They must've gone back some ways, since they seemed quite familiar with each other. The conversation, as best I can remember, was something like this:

"KISAME?! What the hell are you doing here?!"

"That's not a very nice way to say hello to someone who just saved your life, Reiko."

"I told you not to follow me around anymore. Your duties are done. They've been done for a long time now. And besides, I could've taken that drag queen out in an instant."

"That's funny, when I saw you, you seemed to be falling over a bit."

"Th-that's only because he caught be off guard, you see..."

"Sure. And I'm not here because I'm following you. In fact, I have no idea why I'm here."

"You don't? Dammit, I thought you'd know, because I don't have a clue as to where we are."

"Do you have any idea how we might have come here?"

"All I can remember was... I was heading over to the Hidden Sand Village, when I saw... A light... And it made me feel really sleepy..."

"Yeah, I saw that too! I was in a meeting with all the other Akatuski members, when I saw this pretty light, and I fell asleep, I think."

At this point, I heard enough. They knew just as much as I did. I thought I'd leave my hiding spot and join in on the conversation.

I stepped out and said, "So I'm not the only one who's lost here?" (I said this in my most innocent tone, so that I might lull them into a false sense of comfort.)

"And just who are you?" The girl replied.

"Me?" I said, again in a soft tone, "You can call me Lust. I woke up here, the same way you two did. I was wondering if you could help me escape."

"If you don't mind, lady, we can't help you, we're busy with our own business. Right, Kisame?"

"Sweet tap dancing penguins, she's hot!"

"Yeah, you heard him- Wait, what?!"

I was starting to hate them already. The girl - Reiko - was nothing but an overconfident hot-head, and that Kisame guy seemed to be a complete moron who was thinking with his dick instead of his brain. I was becoming slightly irked by their idiocy, so I had to get a bit more aggressive, to show them I meant business.

"Listen here," I said, "Maybe you didn't hear me the first time, but I need some help."

I extended the length of my index finger and pierced it through the shark man's shoulder. He winced in pain.

"Either you lend me a hand or two, or I'll finish him off."

The girl smirked. "I'd like to see you-"

"Shut up, Reiko," the shark man interrupted. "There's something about her that isn't normal." He winced again.

"Yeah right," Reiko scoffed, "I'll show this hag Lust that I'm not someone to take lightly."

In the blink of an eye, she was gone. Before I knew what happened, she managed to get behind me and stab me through the back. She started saying something after that (probably gawking) but I didn't catch it. She did seem rather surprised to see me get back up from the blow, though.

"But... But that should've killed her!" She said in astonishment.

"It's going to take a lot more than that to kill me, little girl. Me, my friend Envy over there, and the rest of us, aren't truly human, you know."

At this point, the girl seemed to panic.

"Us? Who's us? What do you mean, 'Not truly human'?! What's going on?! What are you?!

"Well, if you must know... You're dealing with the seven Homunculi."

Sorry about the lack of updates. I haven't written anything in a while, and I suddenly had to write, so I decided to update this. If it's short, oh wells. I might make the next chapter longer or something as compensation.


	5. Conflict and Confusion

Things seemed to be going from bad to worse. No, actually, things were OK. Then, it started to suck. Out of the blue, I'm transported into this...dome...thing... With trees in it... Then, I see Reiko, but some pointy-haired guy was beating her up, so I helped her out. Then, she has the nerve to yell at me about it. Well, SORRY, missy! Then, this total babe comes up, but she turns out to be some psycho not-quite-human thing called a "Homunculus". She even stabbed me in the shoulder, with her FINGER of all things! This might be pretty obvious, but there's something really weird about all of this. REALLY WEIRD.

Meanwhile, Reiko started freaking out, asking "Lust" as she called herself, a bunch of questions. I still don't know what a Homunculus is, but I saw Reiko stab her in the back with a kunai, and she got right back up as if nothing happened. It's almost as if she came back from the dead. I started to become concerned with all of this, so I thought I'd let her talk, so I could understand the situation a bit better.

"And just what are you, "Homunculi"?!" Reiko yelled to Lust.

She calmly responded, "We are artificial creations who are brought to "life" through the forbidden act of human transmutation."

Reiko and I both turned to each other, puzzled.

"A human what now?" I asked.

Lust looked very annoyed, but answered anyway.

"A human transmutation is when an alchemist tries to resurrect a human from the dead."

I was still confused.

"What's an alchemist?" I inquired.

"If you were made from a human who was supposed to be brought back to life, then that must make you... A zombie!" Reiko said thoughtfully. Lust, however, looked even more irritated and slapped her forehead in frustration.

"No, I'm not a zombie," she said angrily. "Are we even from the same planet?"

"Well, I don't know what an alchemist or a Homunculus is, so I guess we are," Reiko stated. "And that still doesn't explain how you were able to turn your finger into a dagger, or come back to life when I stabbed you."

Before Reiko could finish, a weird, short, bald, fat guy came out from behind a bush. He waddled over, and looked sad, in a way.

"You hurt Lust?" He said. He suddenly looked more menacing. "No one hurts my Lust. I'll kill you."

Reiko and I both backed away, frightened. Lust calmly walked next to the fat man and said, "Settle down, Gluttony, I'm fine. There's no need for any of that right now."

"But Lust, I'm hungry. Can I eat them? Can I eat them, please?!"

"Maybe you can later, if you're a good boy and do what you're told," a voice said from behind. It looked like that pointy haired guy woke up from that attack I gave him before.

"Envy," Lust said, "It's about time you woke up."

The fat man hid behind Lust. "Oh no," he said, "Envy's scary."

"You all seem to be pretty hunky-dory around each other," I said. "Are you friends?"

"You could say something like that," the pointy haired guy said. "We're all Homunculi, and we have four more friends hanging around."

"More like three. You know about how HE is..."

"Oh yeah... Always causing trouble..."

I didn't know who they were talking about, but I didn't want to get too involved. I just wanted to find a way to leave and get away from these weirdos.

"Wait just one second," Reiko stated, "If there are seven of you, and there are two of us... That would be unfair, especially if you ganged up on us. There must be more of us ninjas around too."

"Well, this is going nowhere," pointy hair said. "I don't care about fairness, all I want to do is get rid of these stupid humans. Shall we?"

It looked like we were going to get ourselves into quite a pickle, and there was no way to get out of it.

I haven't updated in so long, and here are 2 brand-spankin' new chapters. Merry (late) Christmas.


	6. Gluttony And Naruto

When I woke up, I was in a weird place. I couldn't find Lust anywhere, so I got scared. But, I found lots of tasty looking green things, so I ate them. I got to another one, when I saw Lust and two others. They looked tasty. I was going to eat them, but Lust was talking to them, so I waited. Then, one of the humans, a girl, got behind Lust. She was fast; I didn't even see her move. She stabbed Lust in the back. They hurt her. That made me mad. After she got back up, I went to her. I begged her to let me eat the humans, but she wouldn't let me. After that, Envy came. He's scary, so I went by Lust. He wanted to fight the humans. I started to wonder if he'd let me eat them. That made me happy.

* * *

"What just happened, 'ttebayo?" I asked myself. I got up and noticed that I couldn't smell any ramen.

"That's weird, I thought I was at the Ichiraku ramen shop..."

I was too hungry to really care where I was. I just needed some ramen, quick. I saw a big tree ahead of me. (Which I thought was weird, since there wasn't any grass or anything. The floor seemed really solid, and it was white.) I jumped up on the tree to look around. That;s when I saw some people ahead. I couldn't really tell who they were, so I squinted and tried to see. Was that... An Akatsuki guy?! It was! He had a coat that was black with red clouds on it. They all have coats like that. Someone was standing next to him... I couldn't really tell who it was, there clothes were too dark. In front of them were three people I've never seen before. It was a lady, a short fatass, and a weird guy with long pointy hair. They don't look so tough, I though. I can take 'em.

"HEY!" I yelled. "Hey, you!"

The pointy haired guy turned to me and said, "Who the hell is that shrimp?

"Shrimp?! I'm Uzumaki Naruto, and I'm gonna kick your ass, dattebayo!"

The person standing next to the Akatsuki guy looked over and started yelling, "Naruto, you idiot! What are you doing?!"

I could tell now from her voice that it was Reiko. Great. The killjoy. She was almost as scary as Sakura-chan. I jumped down there by her. "Hey, hey, where's the ramen shop? I kinda fell asleep or something, and it's gone all of a sudden."

"You can't tell that we're not in Konoha anymore?"

"Oh...we're not?"

"You really are dense, aren't you? You're almost as stupid as Kisame."

"Yeah, almost as stupid as me! Haha- Hey, wait! Reiko, that's mean!"

"What a bunch of fools," the lady said.

The fatass started to talk. "Please, Lust, can I please eat them now? I'm hungry!"

"I'd let him, if I were you," the pointy haired guy said.

"You heard him, Gluttony. Lunch is on Envy."

The fat guy turned to me with a huge grin, slobber dripping out of the sides of his mouth. "Lunch time, finally!"

He started running towards us. "You mean, he's gonna eat us alive, datteybayo?!"

* * *

Author Stuff Yeah, I finally decided to update this thing. Whoo, go me. I'm making most of this up as I go along, if you couldn't already tell. Oh wells. Review if you want. 


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